i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
