Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
