Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
