If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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