Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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