I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
