I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i will never coherently bang her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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