[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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