I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
