where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
