Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
