carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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