I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
