I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
