Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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