4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
