She's JV to your varsity
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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