i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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