You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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