He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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