I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
