This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize