Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
