Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
