if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
