Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
