I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
