no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
