I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
