I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.