This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life