Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"