Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.