tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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