From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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