This girl is more easily done than said...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
