he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
