Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
