Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
