just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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