How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
