she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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