I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
