come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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