I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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