11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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