I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
