Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
