so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
