He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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