Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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