Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
