I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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