This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
