We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
