I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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