i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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