You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
