Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
