i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's get the cat blown out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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