Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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