You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
