If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
