Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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